No, despite identity hybridity, I'm not lesbian; I never was, and didn't become one because of facebook, in case the title of this post is ambiguous.
A cup of coffee is shared zillions of times on facebook and I do not see why I should add yet another one to this repository of non-information. It is not a photo of Emerald Lake or Spirit Island. If I see a photo of a cup of coffee, I will not 'like' it.
I don't have kids, but if I had, I would not share their photos online, because I think I am not in the position to make that decision for them. One day, when they grow up, they will make the choice themselves on how much they want to share of themselves online.
I am also a private person, and therefore do not like to post images of me and my boyfriend, whether I am having a great time with him, or I want to tell him how much he means to me, or how lucky I am to have found him. I don't need the world to know; no need for affirmation, compliments, show-off. If it's his birthday, I will wish him the best. If we are having a great time backpacking, eating, watching a movie, traveling, hiking, discussing politics, etc, I tell him how much I enjoy; I hold him in my arms, I kiss him, I express my feelings TO HIM. I don't need to let the whole world know. I just don't see any point in that.
Everyone, yes, every single person who shares something on facebook, including me, expects a reaction from the people called 'friends' in their network. A reaction is 'like', and now, 'love', 'wow', 'anger', not to mention comments. Please don't say you are an exception cuz that just makes you a liar, not modest nor exceptional nor different from others. Even one of my cool professors who posts very interesting stuff once raised her concern that she did not see any 'like' or comments on her posts and thought it was not possible until she found that she had mistakenly changed the faceook setting. It's OK to seek attention; don't worry, we all do. We all need confirmation. It's just a matter of degree.
So, back to the title of this post. As a result of the reasons I mentioned above, the photos that appear on my facebook page, include my close female friends, and in the past 2 years, particularly one of them. Then a few friends whom I do not see much and/or are not in frequent contact with, asked me, if I became a lesbian. It is so amusing to see how inadvertently my facebook profile made me a lesbian in the eyes of these people. Looking at the photos, I must say, I don't see them at fault. However, reading the comments me and my friend wrote below some of the photos is a testament to the fact that we're making fun of our image(s).
How many times have you posted your despair, vulnerability, anguish, need for love on facebook? How many times have you seen people in your network do that, or post a photo of yourself in a sad, angry, or with disheveled hair, or after you just broke up, or lost your job, felt alone and had puffy eyes?
Facebook can create fake personas; not only that, but people also use this to create a fake persona and image of their lives. This fake image is usually that of a purportedly very lucky, happy person. Images of couples, their lovey dovey relationships, how fortunate they are, how beautiful, and perfect they are in a photo, as if there is no pain in this person's life. Encounters with some of these people in real life showed me the opposite. I know men who got married or went into a relationship just because they wanted to have kids and not because they loved their woman. Their partner on the other hand would post images of their happiness on facebook, images that were hollow in my eyes because I knew the real story. I know men who post lovely words addressed to their partners on facebook, because they are insecure that their women would leave them, or have already made the decision to leave them. I know people (mostly women) who change their relationship status on facebook as a way to secure their positions in the eyes of their partners, ignorant of the fact that their partners found this quite intrusive on their privacy, hasty, and immature. I know women who went with men because of their social capital (wealth, fame) and found themselves competing with their peers on facebook photos.
If you pay a bit more attention, you will find that most of the times, people who are actually happy, do not brag about it on facebook. It is as if the number of 'like's under those photos where they are expressing their love to their partner, will temporarily account for the real moment of happiness they are seeking. Of course, as always, there are exceptions; artists, or people who just want to share with their fans/closed ones. I admit it is easier to share on facebook and get excited to see the red notifications of reaction received, than sending them by email or sharing them on dropbox for instance.
If you pay a bit more attention, you will find that most of the times, people who are actually happy, do not brag about it on facebook. It is as if the number of 'like's under those photos where they are expressing their love to their partner, will temporarily account for the real moment of happiness they are seeking. Of course, as always, there are exceptions; artists, or people who just want to share with their fans/closed ones. I admit it is easier to share on facebook and get excited to see the red notifications of reaction received, than sending them by email or sharing them on dropbox for instance.
A while ago, I read an article by an entrepreneur from Montreal, in which he voiced his personal concerns and relationship with facebook. He asked, what if he would have to pay for each 'like' on facebook. Would he still spend as much time and 'like'? I think that question influenced my social media behaviour too.
Anyways, that was a segue. The main point I wanted to make here, was how amusing it is for me to see the way people read facebook profiles and how facebook can consolidate the construction of the image in people's minds.
